Reviews | Ellen Long Stilwell

TITLE INFORMATION

LOVE DEATH LOVE
Ellen Long Stilwell
BalboaPress (116 pp.)
$11.99 paperback, $3.99 e-book
ISBN: 978-1-982243-30-2
March 31, 2020

BOOK REVIEW

A debut volume of true stories explores the myriad facets of loss and grief.

Stilwell asserts at the beginning of her slim book that she’s extremely experienced when it comes to final care and death.
She was taught by a Buddhist monk/hospice chaplain to be a death doula, a kind of trained companion for somebody
who’s going through a momentous health change. The author was raised Irish Catholic, became a registered nurse, and is
now a certified hospice palliative nurse, skilled at helping patients and their loved ones through the ends of their journeys. She makes clear that she’s also well acquainted with death in her personal life, and her book is intended to distill all that suffering—as well as the happiness and serenity—into a series of stories and insights that might help readers going through similar things. Stilwell fills the volume with her own experiences: the losses of loved ones and relatives, the various jobs she’s had, and so on. This autobiographical strand continues through her reflections on various patients she’s known, individuals whose backgrounds stretched across many religions and cultures, from a spry, older Jewish woman to a Muslim refugee from Yemen. A wealthy, cantankerous woman named Gertie was brought gradually over the course of months to a peaceful acceptance of her own impending death, and Stilwell writes how she felt herself transformed by that recognition. These and other stories are told with an affecting simplicity that neither cloys nor preaches. The hard realities of the hospice experience are present on every page, but so, too, are the author’s compassion and faith in the value of simple connections. These tales are touchingly filled with little details: whispering with a sick individual in the mornings; sitting with patients while they remember their intricate lives; hearing people’s final attempts to make sense of their complicated family relationships. Readers who have been through the palliative care experience will be quite moved.

A poignant collection of subtle and emotional tales of the dying.

— Kirkus Reviews

Book Reviews

Wonderful book
“Ellen Stilwell’s book describes the journey that one in transition must make to death. She does this in an endlessly instructive way by giving us her own experience with loved ones, her experience as a caring hospice nurse, and most of all as a deeply spiritual human being. As a retired clinical social worker and as a woman facing her own health challenges, I found this book invaluable and would recommend it to anyone.” – Eileen Farrell

Gentle, but Realistic
“The author’s tone is gentle and kind, but at the same time realistic. The stories bring out the main insights and experiences that the author wants to share with her readers in a clear manner. I found this book to be helpful not only in going through the passing of close family members and the feeling of loss afterwards, but also for when thinking about my own inevitable passing. The book is short and easy to read, but filled with wisdom. I especially like the list of short points and summaries at the end of the book under the heading Helpful References.” – J Flynn

A new understanding
“Growing up, I saw death as sad and so final but Ms. Stilwell helped me see it is so much more than that. This book helped me see death as something very beautiful and I can continue to have a relationship with my loved ones who have passed. I now do that remembering and celebrating all the loving and joy filled times we had together. The Author’s experience, openness, faith and compassion came through to me as I read Love Death Love.” – Martin Milisits

An approach to death that offers hope and comfort
“Ellen Stilwell’s deep spirituality and humanity shine in this beautiful collection of short stories and anecdotes about death and love, gleaned from her experience assisting the dying and their loved ones. She draws on her own faith and other faith traditions, and on what she’s learned from living beside death, in her work and in her personal loss of loved ones. Her words offer comfort, but even more, hope. She presents death as a natural transition, where love provides the key to gracefully navigating the fears most of us have built up around the idea. Her writing is unpretentious and straightforward. It’s a must-read for caregivers and loved ones, as well as anyone facing or fearing death. – Bruce R

Kirkus Reviews

HOSPICE

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF HOPE; CRITERIA FOR CHOOSING YOUR HOSPICE TEAM SOONER

EDITED BY ELLEN LONG STILWELL ‧ RELEASE DATE: N/A

Ellen Long Stilwell | Kirkus Reviews

An essential guide to hospice care that offers relief and peace of mind.

Certified hospice and palliative nurse Stilwell and other medical professionals present a resource for individuals and families embarking on the challenging journey of end-of-life care.

In this collection of essays, hospice volunteers, registered nurses, medical doctors, psychotherapists, and social workers provide first-person accounts featuring actionable information to address the medical and emotional needs of patients (and their families) facing palliative care. By sharing their experiences, and the ways in which they have supported people in their care, the workers dispel misconceptions and help to demystify the hospice process. The guide’s highlight is an insightful overview chapter by Stilwell, who outlines and defines hospice care and refutes the long-held belief that such facilities hasten death; she does so by emphasizing their role in providing comfort and reducing physical and psychological distress. The section that outlines hospice criteria provides solid information, including the option to extend the standard six-month limit of care with eligibility assessments. Hospice nurse David Kunin contributes an engaging section on acceptance. Overall, Stilwell effectively sums up hospice workers’ goal: “to help each patient accept the totality of the end of this physical life in peace and with love and with the courage to face the fear of the unknown.” This compassionate handbook offers valuable insights as well as hope, and it will help readers to make informed decisions during a very difficult time. The “Advanced Directive” section provides important sample documents, such as a living will, a health care proxy, and a do-not-resuscitate order. This handbook provides valuable instruction on the medical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of care, as well as much-needed support for terminally ill patients and their loved ones.